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feeling better.
2002-08-09 | 1:26 p.m.

damn. the craving are full on and beastly. everyday i want one thing and one thing only. if i could eat it all day every day, i would be so happy. but of course, it doesn't have everything i need and the baby needs. so i'll just be happy with it once a day. but mmm. it's so delicious. i don't know if anyone has every heard of panera bread, but that's where my food obsession stems from. they have french onion soup. and god, is it delicious. not only that, but they put it in this big roll, they core out the middle and make it a bowl and they put the french onion soup in there. so you can eat all of it. and oh my. it's so great. i crave it a lot of the time. i want to learn how to make french onion soup like that or have my own french onion soup and sourdough bread bowl maker of my own. a free one. i'm going to give panera so much money for that goddamn soup. but mmm. i'm hungry thinking about it.

my mom is so nice. she understands why i've been whiny and difficult and wanting the french onion soup. last night she said 'she's just pregnant'. because i've been whiny. no one (being my dad or my boyfriend) understands, really, what it's like to be whiny and difficult and not even notice it. and it's so insane. but my boyfriend is wonderful and he's been supportive and he only loses his cool sometimes. not often.

yesterday i watched part of oprah. it was about adoption. and watching what this one birth mother went through in putting her baby up for adoption tore me apart. the more into this pregnancy the more i think 'we can do this. we can be parents.' even he's thinking the same thing. maybe we're destined to keep this little baby and raise it with all the love we can give it.

i think the boyfriend went with his dad to see signs today. we saw it earlier this week. ont he 7th because it was our 9th month of dating. 9 months of dating, 4 months of pregnancy.

i'm starting to feel better. physically and emotionally. i want to pick out a car seat and an outfit (which we have to take to the hospital no matter what. just so we can take the baby home). i want to make a nursery and i want to buy it a little stuffed animal. and god. i want to know if my baby is a boy or a girl. i have to wait 3 more weeks. maybe i'll find a way to scan my older ultrasound picture. but god. i'm so in love with this baby.

my moms on her way home with the french onion soup. and i told her i'd make sandwiches. but mmm... french onion soup. *laughs* this pregnancy is turning out to be better than it was. i'm 15 weeks. and in 3 weeks i can see the baby again. and wow. i can't wait to start feeling the fluttering. but i haven't so far. i have been peeing a lot more. it's insane and annoying. and my boobs keep growing like there is no tomorrow. they are itchy and getting more stretch marks. i've only gained 4 pounds, after losing 12 because of the throwing up and nausea. but things are getting better.

i better go make the sandwiches. i'll write more soon.

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