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pissy. i swear i'm going to take these hormones and emotions and throw them out the window. i'm so fucking sick of feeling up and down. it's bullshit, i swear. it probably doesn't help that i can't take another second of my family. i wish josh would get a car because i want to take my car and just.. go. but then again, i could take my car and have to get up and drive him to work at 8 in the morning. 10 wasn't so bad, but 8 is not that wonderful. thursday night, josh and i went out to media play, and he bought me hawiian punch to drink. i ended up coming home and puking like mad. it sucked. so, yesterday i was just out of it. i was feeling drained and sick and tired and yucky. so i was laying on the couch and watching tv (which is something i don't do all that often), and my brother, sister-in-law, and niece walk in. and my niece goes, 'aunt kristy, why are you so lazy? you never do anything.' and it just hurt. because the only reason she would say that is if her mom or dad said something to her about it. which, i know they have. i know everyone here thinks i'm worthless and that i never do anything. but whatever. earlier this week, my mom and i went through my room and moved it around. a lot of it is done. there's still more to do. and i've been working on massive amounts of homework. and i just can't take being here anymore. i hate these people. no one gives a shit. my mom is the only person in this damn house who is nice. but now she's all on her asshole kick. and i just can't take her anymore. i can't stand even thinking of my father. he won't even acknowledge the baby. yet, he wants me to get on wic because 'we really need the help.' i hate him so much. if he died, i wouldn't give a shit. all he does is bitch at my mom, he treats her like shit. sorry i'm swearing, i just hate him. i wish josh would call and say his break was soon. i'm going to meet him up at his work and spend his break with him. we have no food here. i had to have a cheese sandwich. which was not filling at all. and blah. i've been so lonely lately. and i've decided to keep stuff inside. i'm sick of talking about how i feel. it's not worth it. i finished all my christmas shopping for everyone but josh. and i got some stuff for him today. the thing that sucks is i had $175 for everyone on my list (over 12 people). and i don't have much money. and i can't get a job. no one would hire me this close to my due date. and yeah. i'm gonna go. Miss Anything? |
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