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Little Girl. Sometimes I feel my life has no purpose. But then there are those times when you are a complete inspiration. I look at those big, beautiful blue eyes and I see so much trust, and love, and devotion in them. I know you know I�m your mommy, even if you can't vocalize it yet. There are times when I�m rocking you to sleep, and I close my eyes, I get lost in the back and forth motion. I start daydreaming. I can imagine you being 5, at the playground, getting ready to go down a slide and saying 'come on mommy! Watch me!' and then I will cheer and make a big fuss and scoop you up. I can imagine your little red/reddish blonde pigtails, your big, happy blue eyes, and your adorable smile. I can imagine you taking those first shy steps away from me, but always finding your way back. Then I feel the weight of your body in my arms and I realize I still have those milestones to look forward to. I don't have to worry about missing the ones past and gone. I can look forward to you losing your first tooth instead of getting it. I can look forward to you learning your ABC's instead of saying words. I can look forward to you bringing home your first 'a' instead of worrying about time flying to quickly. Tonight, you let me rock you for a bit the way I used to. When you were a newborn. You let me lay you across in my arms so I could gaze down at your face. God, I remember doing that the night you were born. You fit so perfectly in just one arm. Now I need two arms, and your little legs still hang over. I remember being amazed when you learned to smile. Now I�m amazed at you learning to pull yourself up into a standing position. I see so much of myself in you at times. How you get so focused on something that you forget the world exists. How you like music already. You�re trying to figure out what this whole 'dancing' thing is. But that's your daddy, too. That�s one of the things I really liked about him. His passion for music. I love how you crawled up on me tonight when I was singing/reading you your 'hush little baby' book. You were mesmerized by the way my mouth was moving. I love how sometimes, when I talk, you stick a little finger or two inside my mouth and feel the way my tongue and lips move when I talk. You always try to make the same movements back. I love how you look at your 'touch and feel' books. You look at them as though they are the most interesting books ever written. I love how you scratch the 'rough, pink' kittens tongue, or yank on the fur of the dog, or smack the 'pink piglet's nose'. The best is when you get excited and you grab one of the animals fur and scream and throw the book around. As if you�re saying 'AH HA! I BEAT YOU!' I love how when you just flip through the books, you make little noises, as though you�re reading to yourself. I love how you came along and inspired me to live to a new potential. You give me more purpose. I can't fail, because if I fail, then I fail you. And I refuse to fail you. Screwing myself over is unforgivable, but hurting you. I would hate myself. I love how you�re realizing you can be shy and mommy will protect you. I love how you lay your head down on my shoulder, playing shy, but then as soon as that person turns around, your little head pops up as though saying 'now, who are you?' I love how adventurous you are. Please stay that way, don't become afraid of life. I love how you remind me of your daddy. You�re blue eyes, your dimple, and your mischievous smile. Your drive, your fearlessness, your refusal to admit defeat. The way you look at me with your eyes saying, �Well, mommy. I�m about to fool you.� I love that part of you. I love how you remind me of what is really important in life. Not parties, not gossiping late night, not anything like that. The way you remind me that life really is what you make of it, not what is given to you. The way you keep me in check. I love how peaceful and innocent you look when you sleep. I guess it�s your way of making up for you pulling my hair out all day long. Or making me chase you. Or scaring me. Or flinging food my way. I love the fragile rising and falling of your chest underneath your race car pajamas that your Aunt Beth gave you. Who says you need to be feminine all the time, right? I think for the first time ever, you made me realize something so important tonight. No matter what happens as you grow older. No matter how far away from me I think you may grow or drift, I will always, no matter what, have these memories. I will always have your �firsts�. I may not be there for everything in your life, but I can make the most of it now. No matter if your friends become more important; you can always fall back on mommy. No matter if you tell me you hate me because I won�t let you do something, I will always remember the look in your eyes when you see me walk into a room. How your eyes almost seem to say, �There she is. I missed you. I love you.� No matter what. Nothing can take away these precious days from me. No one can take away all you have pushed me to achieve. You make me want to make something of myself. You make me want to prove people wrong. Maybe I am still just a teenager. Maybe I don�t see things the way I should or do everything I should, but I try. I will always try to be the best mother I can. I never want to forget that. I wonder what you�ll be like as a teenager. I wonder how you will be 2 months from now. I wonder what you�ll be like tomorrow. You keep me guessing. You keep me hoping. You keep me alive. When I feel I have nothing, I can just look into that precious little face and remember that I have the world. The world is at my fingertips. I will always look out for you, little girl. I know your daddy will do the same. You are our little girl. We love you. We will do anything for you. Never forget that.
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